Episode 39: Dick and Johnson Remember Their Towel
Dick and Johnson are having a regular Saturday morning, Johnson burning a giant pile of Confederate flags, and Dick returning from the National Television Museum, where he has just stolen the General Lee. Dick jumps the car into the pile of burning flags, causing one big explosion, destroying the only one of the model with the Confederate flag on its roof—Dick and Johnson still own a large number of replicas with other flags. As the two salute the burnt flags, they hear a knock on the door to their sideroom room. At the door are two men who introduce themselves as Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect, researchers sent from space, who mean to write an entry on Dick and Johnson—and also tea—into their book, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. After a long and detailed discussion about human defecation habits and sweet tea vs tea, they decide to visit the Mall of America via their high speed tube system, hoping to find out more about tea. in their mall room, they enjoy drinks, bully their Rocky IV robot butler, and enter the tube. At the mall, the four of them exit the tube's other side, which is in the back room of a Baby Gap. Dick and Johnson catch up with the employee and the group continues to the mall's food court. In a Starbucks, they come close to finding tea, when ordering hot water with flavoring and leaves. Dent and Prefect mention the Galactic Gargle Blaster, the universe's strongest drink, and Dick and Johnson are eager to try one and ask to visit Prefect's ship. As the vessel uses an Improbability Drive, it is always located in the most improbable place, which happens to be the Starbucks they are in. The appearance of the ship has destroyed large portions of the mall, and Arthur Dent is still unable to order hot tea, though they all enjoy their Gargle Blasters. The group participates briefly in the ensuing looting of the demolished mall, then take off in their ship with the intent to fly to England. Because flying drunk is a bad idea, they crash into the ocean and decide to fly over Atlantis before continuing. Dick lands and steps out before realizing that the ship is on top of Big Ben. He falls, barely managing to grab a hold of the clock's hands. Johnson follows him down and the two are stopped from plummeting to their deaths as Ford Prefect initiates the Improbability Drive to send the ship right below the two, catching them. After all of them vomit, Arthur completes his mission and finally buys a cup of hot, not-sweet-tea. A host of policemen and agents suddenly arrive, and a man who introduces himself as Chief Petty Officer asks Dick and Johnson in the most polite manner to answer for their acts of vandalism. By appealing to his British manners, Dick manages to trick the Chief PO to relent and all of them go to the King and Beard pub for tea and real drinks. Behind the Scenes A post credits scene shows a few excerpts of the Hitchhiker's Guide's article about Dick and Johnson: Dick was born high fiving his own umbilical cord; Dick and Johnson are described as "mostly harmless, and highly amusing;" Johnson attended Hogwarts as a Hufflepuff and was a champion Quidditch player. The guide appears to have many more articles on Dick and Johnson.